Vikings Barroom Investigates: Vikings Night At Bunny’s

Vikings Barroom Investigates: Vikings Night At Bunny’s

From the investigative team that broke the Teddy Bridgewater Pro Bowl invite, busted open the Zimmer/AP “No More Excuses” conversation and dutifully reported the series of Greg Jennings voicemails , their biggest story to date has hit the internet.  What does it look like when 16 years of franchise members congregate into a single bar?  Vikings Barroom Investigates was privy to find out as Vikings players and coaches young and old met up at Bunny’s Bar and Grill in Saint Louis Park, Minn. to celebrate the Barroom’s Top 10 list of the 21st Century.  Sit back and enjoy as VBI recorded the action as it unfolded…

The scene of the festivities…a favorite to one particular former Vikings head coach.

  • 7:04pm: Former head coach Mike Tice plays host from his usual barstool, welcoming each arriving member with a hug and an insult.
  • 7:35pm: Bryant McKinnie, Daunte Culpepper, and Fred Smoot spend the night getting slapped by female patrons as they whisper indecent proposals into their ears.
  • 7:53pm: Former offensive coordinator Bill Musgrave declines a menu. Instead he pulls out his own laminated index card-sized menu that he stares at for 20 minutes.  He finally orders a Budweiser.
  • 8:16pm: Out on the makeshift dancefloor, Adam Thielen dances twice as hard as everyone else and still gets bumped to the sideline.
  • 8:27pm: Former head coach Denny Green has created an improvised drumset out of overturned buckets and hammers out a rapid jazz beat to the delight of the crowd.
  • 8:31pm: Former tight end Visanthe Shiancoe walks around the bar VERY confidently and everyone knows why.
  • 8:47pm: Former quarterback Christian Ponder spends the entire night getting dominated at darts as he consistently throws wide of the board.  He still goes home with the hottest woman in the bar.
  • 9:01pm: Determined to prove he’s the smartest guy in the room, former head coach Brad Childress signs up for Buzztime trivia with the team name KICKAZZ O.  He is later seen storming out of the bar after losing nine straight trivia contests to the team named WNT2HRVRD.
  • 9:15pm: Robert Smith arrives…but the second he thinks he’s going to make contact with someone he quickly steps out of the bar.
  • 9:32pm: Trae Waynes gropes women on the dance floor because he got away with it in college.
  • 9:46pm: Former wide receiver Greg Jennings is seen leaving the bar in a huff. An hour later he is found back at the entrance begging to be let back in.
  • 9:59pm: Blair Walsh is silky smooth until at the end of the night he falls completely apart when it’s time to close the deal with the easiest chick in the bar.
  • 10:11pm: The team is late to get an invite out to Kevin Williams, but everyone is happy when he shows up.
  • 10:14pm: Terence Newman has two glasses of red wine, runs a couple laps and takes off early to get a good night’s rest.
  • 10:17pm: Despite the bar being completely packed, Naufahu Tahi squeezes his way in.  The bar is promptly penalized by the fire marshal for being over capacity.
  • 10:31pm: Chad Greenway shows up confident he can keep up with the 23 year olds but is found passed out in a booth at 10:31 p.m.
  • 10:37pm: Randy Moss shows up late, declaring he’ll party when he wants to party.  He is also seen leaving early.
  • 10:40pm: As a special treat, the team invited former Vikings great Jim Marshall to the event…unfortunately he went to the wrong bar.
  • 10:45pm: After weeks of flip-flopping on whether he was going to attend or not, former quarterback Brett Favre arrives after a car full of teammates driven by Steve Hutchinson goes to his house and picks him up.
  • 10:51pm: Former head coach Leslie Frazier sits in a back booth and quietly sips lukewarm water while slowly eating a handful of popcorn.
  • 11:00pm: Despite talking big leading up to the night, Mike Wallace completely disappears when it’s time to shine.
  • 11:11pm: Crowds gather around Alex Boone and Jared Allen. They are the most popular guys in the bar by a wide margin, despite neither consuming a drop of alcohol the entire evening.
  • 11:19pm: Chester Taylor spends the whole night dancing with girls until a hotter, younger guy comes and takes his place each time.
  • 11:23pm: Former assistant coach George O’Leary is spinning stories about his college days that may or may not be true to anyone who’ll listen.
  • 11:32pm: Having consumed an entire bottle of Kentucky bourbon, head coach Mike Zimmer pops in a chew, rips off his shirt and challenges anyone to a fight. Only one man in the bar accepts the challenge: 89-year-old former head coach Bud Grant.  The two are finally pulled off each other after 45 minutes of hand to hand combat that is ruled a draw.
  • 11:41pm: Former wide receiver Jerome Simpson appears to misunderstand what a “Smoke break” is.
  • Darren Sharper: Not invited.
  • 11:49pm: Despite never having been to a pro event before, Mackensie Alexander talks and acts like he’s been going to these things for years.
  • 12:00 midnight: Anthony Barr amazes everyone on the dance floor until he pulls a hamstring and has to sit out.
  • 12:07am: Glasses and plates keep breaking around Cris Carter, but another guy always seems to take the blame.
  • 12:10am: Cedric Griffin is last seen escorting a young woman into a stairwell, which surprises everyone because Bunny’s doesn’t have a stairwell.
  • 12:15am: Chris Kluwe doesn’t go, but spends the entire night tweeting out bitchy comments about the event.
  • 12:20am: An embarrassing scene is at the door as former quarterback Donovan McNabb is denied entrance because everyone forgot that he actually played for the Vikings.
  • 12:31am: Linval Joseph refuses to wait outside for his ride home.
  • 12:36am: Owner Zygi Wilf  demands that the city of Saint Louis Park pick up the majority of his bar tab.
  • Even though his coaches set up a ride with an experienced driver, Cordarrelle Patterson still refused to show up.
  • 12:55am: Former wide receiver Troy Williamson is asked to leave after dropping his fifth drink.
  • 1:15am: Percy Harvin makes an appearance, but is asked to leave after starting fights with four different guys in 25 minutes.
  • 1:49am: As the night comes to a close, Teddy Bridgewater makes sure everyone has a ride home.
  • 2:01am: The first to arrive, Tice is the last to leave as he shuts off the lights and locks the door.

 

*Author’s note: Very special thanks to BJ Reidell and the rest of the Vikings Barroom Staff for their help with this piece of SATIRE.*

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