Straight Up – Good Bye Antrel Rolle

Straight Up – Good Bye Antrel Rolle

Benny Slacks is the Bears Barroom resident satirist. At least that’s how we bill him. Some people don’t think “satirist,” is an appropriate title. 


Nonetheless, we’ll keep posting his material until we’re paid not to do so. We’re calling his posts: STRAIGHT UP

I understand that some people are not happy about the stuff that I post here. To those people, and those people ONLY, I politely ask them to CLICK HERE.

Aldo, and some guy I never met before named BJ, yeah BJ, want me to write this thing called STRAIGHT UP and that’s what I’m going to do (until Aldo stops picking up the check when we go drinking).

Straight up… here are ten things on my mind:

1. Got a lot of shit for my last post where I predicted the Bears would go 16-0. Thing is, I meant it. And, now that the draft is over, I do believe that it’s quite possible they will go 48-0 over the next three regular seasons. I could give you a lot of X’s & O’s talk, or compare rosters with other teams, or any number of things to try and convince you. But, I won’t. I’ll just say that if you’re not with me, you’re against me. And, if you’re against me, CLICK HERE.

2. I ain’t gonna lie. Leonard Floyd wasn’t even on my draft list – the one I wrote out on a cocktail napkin about 20 minutes before last call a couple of weeks ago. But, after the pick I fired up my computer and did the research. All I got to say now is, “Step Back, Motherfucka, cause this guy is going to be a human highlight reel.” Here’s what most of us don’t do when we look at college players – we don’t transfer what we see and add it to other information like coaching history, development traits, competition, etc. I’m telling you this, right here and right now… when Floyd lines up against the Packers Bryan Bulaga, they better have that fullback of their’s lined up right behind him, because Floyd will leave that dude behind before Aaron Rodgers gets his cheezy fingers on the laces. Start thinking up some nick-names, Bears fans, because this cat is going to be pure junk-yard dog with flash. .

3. Yesterday I was having some drinks with a friend of mine who is – for some fucking reason – a Cowboys fan. I bet his lone star ass that all nine Bears draft picks are going to make the final roster. Trust me when I tell you that I am not one of those fans who jumps up and down and thinks everything the Bears do is fly. No. Not me. I like to think that I’m a fair-minded, critical-thinking dude, which is why I told my buddy that the Cowboys suck. And, if you’re asking “how the hell can you predict a 48-0 record,” all I ask is that you CLICK HERE.

4. Don’t take this the wrong way Packers fans, but I do think your team has a good chance of finishing in last place this season. Of course, I think the last Packer fan that read anything I’ve written was some cartoon-looking, asswipe named Mickey Someshit. Hey Mickey, if you’re back for some reason, CLICK HERE.

5. I went over to and heard their new GM, the guy from New England,  talk about his draft and I gotta tell you…. I like that dude. I was thinking that since he came from the Patriots he was gonna be like a porcupine, cause they’re all pricks over there. But, naw, he cool. At the same time, his draft sucked. Taylor Decker, he a’ight, but the Bears will throw Pernel, or Lamar or Leonard at that boy and he gonna by crying’ like a bitch. I know everybody be liking A’Shawn Robinson, but there a reason why he dropped to round two: he ain’t all dat! Then everybody be talking bout Harmon Killebrew or whatever the fuk his name is and he don’t scare me none. He wanna these big-time hitter dudes that can’t cover anyone – which is what he gonna have to do. Dowell Loggains ain’t no dumb ass. Anyway, that Lion GM… he a’ight.

6. I saw where Aldo went on some radio show and said the Vikings were going to win the division. That’s wack and I told him that to his ugly face. First of all, how the hell are you going to say they gonna win the division before the schedule came out (that schedule they got is brutal!) and the draft, before rosters are set. Stupid ass.

7. Did you see Game of Thrones Sunday? What the fuck was that? I know it’s a fantasy show, but the dude died! Ain’t no fucking way he coming back to like. I saw a friend of mine get knifed like that once and I’m telling you no black magic gonna bring back his dead ass. (Personal message: love you, brother!)

8. Aldo says they are posting more videos here and wants fans of the site to send their shit in. Then he asked my ass to submit one. Here:

9. Wanna say goodbye Antrel Rolle and send my man a personal message as he leaves Chicago. CLICK HERE, bruh.

10. Peace out.


Print this entry

Benny Slacks

Benny Slacks

Aint nothin you need to know about me.

Tags assigned to this article:
Antrel RolleBob QuinnLeonard Floyd

Related Articles

Bears Barroom Presents Draft Dr. Phil’s Joy To Jordan Howard

After Sunday’s gift of greatness by Jordan Howard we re-arranged our distribution calendar for our Bears parody Christmas songs. Joy

Tribute to Tillman

This tribute to Charles “Peanut” Tillman was originally published in September of 2014, a few days after he played his

Lagers & Ales – What’s The Difference?

Here at the Barroom our primary focus is football. It’s also our secondary and tertiary focus. But, beer is on

No comments

Write a comment
No Comments Yet! You can be first to comment this post!

Write a Comment

Your e-mail address will not be published.
Required fields are marked*