Benny Slacks On Three NFCN Players He Does Not Like

Benny Slacks On Three NFCN Players He Does Not Like

We think Benny Slacks is kidding when he wrote this, but we’re not absolutely sure. We are sure that if you’re offended by foul language, you should skip this post. We counted approximately 20 F-Bombs and several more things bound to insult readers. If you want to insult Benny, tweet him at @44Slacks.

Eddie Lacy is fat. There’s something really cool about saying that. It’s funny. I hope he falls into a vat of chocolate pudding and shows up to camp fatter than ever.

You know what’s even funnier. When you say…

Eddie Lacy is a fat fuck.

I mean no malice, to my fellow brother. I’m just pointing out that he is a fat fuck.

But, the reason this topic came up is because at the end of last season Green Bay Packers head coach Mike McCarthy  (another fat fuck) said this about Lacy’s weight:

“Blah. fucking blah blah blah. Blah.”

Translation: “Eddie Lacy is a fat fuck. And, he almost got my fat ass fired. He better get his ass in shape, because I won’t be the only one searching for a new job.”

So all the fat fucks in Wisconsin have been going off about how Eddie Lacy worked his fat ass off during the offseason. He worked with Tony Horton of PX 90 fame. The workout had Lacy doing all sorts of shit. You know, touching your toes, Jetés and shit like that.

Then… you won’t believe what happened… Lacy shows up to minicamp still overweight. McCarthy said:

“Blah. fucking blah blah blah. Blah.”

Translation: “This fat fuck shows up here and he didn’t make weight!”

So, Lacy, according to some reports (that I’d link to if I was a reporter being paid for this shit, but I’m not… so google it yourself) called Horton up and said, “Dude, I got to see you, man. Need to do some more Jetés and shit.”

Let’s wrap this up by telling you all the facts:

  • Eddie Lacy likes to eat
  • He doesn’t have the fire to play at a high level
  • Why? Because he’d much rather eat

Those there are the facts.

#####

Golden Tate is an annoying little fuck. I try really hard to pay him no mind, but I just read Von Lozon’s post about how Tate is going to be a fantasy stud, and blah, fucking blah. Can I just say this before I continue ragging on Tate… Lozon thinks that Laquon Treadwell is going to be a top ten NFC North fantasy player. He picked him over Kevin White! He thinks that a receiver who has a puss-armed quarterback throwing him the ball is going to have a better fantasy season than my man White. Git the fuck outta here! Then he went on to diss my quarterback, Jay Cutler. Let me tell you this, when I read that … I was about to go all domestic violence on someone’s ass. But, I’m cool. I’m cool.

Sorry for the digression.

Okay, the deal with Tate is that he a little bitch.

Nuff said.

#####

If you read my last STRAIGHT UP… you know I got deep respect for the Vikings.

Benny Slacks on Bears, Lions, Packers, Vikings and More

But, that don’t mean they don’t have a fuck on their roster. That fuck is Cordarelle Patterson. Here’s what bothers me about the guy. This brother has got so much fucking talent and he don’t focus right on how to use it.

Goddamn, I wish the Lord blessed me with half the skills this boy has. Instead, he only gave me a cobra to play with. You feel me?

Anyway, Patterson has all the skills to become a top five playmaker in the league: run out of the backfield, return kicks and punts, and dust people when playing wideout. Kid’s got it all. But, what’s he doing wit all that talent. Nothing. He’s like 5th in the team’s depth chart.

It ain’t because Coach Mike Zimmer is hating on him. No. Zim is simply giving his ass tough love. He been doing it all his coaching career and it usually work. When Zim was at Cincinnati he took a bunch of future Department of Corrections residents and got them focused on being ballers.

Now, I’m reading that Patterson might finally be turning his shit around and is ready to bust out this year. Bullshit. The guy is a fuck.

#####

I’m out, man. Sorry, Bears fans. I got nothing on our team today, but check back here again in a few. I’ll have some love for you.

 

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Benny Slacks

Benny Slacks

Aint nothin you need to know about me.



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